You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
