so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
