Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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