Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
wow bdsm is so cute
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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