Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
