I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My penis needs a shock collar
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
