the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
