Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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