Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't turn off my feet"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
