Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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