she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
