one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
