my mouth tastes like poor choices
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
