I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
