these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
