I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
