You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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