We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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