Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
