Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
