I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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