We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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