so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
