listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
