I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
