I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
