I am puke
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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