dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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