very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
