I need help removing her.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
