no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
