Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
