I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
