dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what day is it and did you see me today?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
