covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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