Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
