why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
There's even glitter on my cock...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
