my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
