it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
