if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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