Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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