I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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