....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
