My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
