So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
