we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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