I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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