I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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