his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize