I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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