Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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