she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
