A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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