He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
