Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
