Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
