I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
