my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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