And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
