Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
