Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
