i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
