As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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