I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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