Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize