hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
