The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
