Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
