So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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