so that wasnt chicken after all
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
God, I missed his penis.
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