Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
