Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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