good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
