party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
