I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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