I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
