at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
